eats dog biscuits
has no toes
fingers their own bumhole
has no genitals
likes gay sex
humps camels
cries for his mummy at night
chases invisible mice
wanks in the dark to pictures of their mother
shags lamposts
pees themselves
shouts at kids for stealing their walking stick
talks to horses
drinks alcohol through their nose
has hairy palms
only has invisible friends
has a pet elephant living in their bedroom
has pear-shaped legs
eats their own snot and ear-wax
loves the fucking teletubbies
wears phat glasses
drinks milk instead of alcohol to get drunk
listens to classical music
is afraid of monsters in the dark
puts their cat in the washing machine to clean it
eats live worms
plays UT 24 hours a day and still sucks at it
lift camps and so has no friends
drinks vaseline
uses a rubber glove as a contraceptive method
has pink and green hair and head-bangs
gatecrashes their own party
plays knock-a-door-run on his own house
dresses all in black in the summer to look "cool"
has so many eyes they have panoramic vision
sings along to the tweenies in the shower
has a shower once a year
eats pidgeons for meals